


Dumbasses in a Band in E Minor

by hideki16seiyuu



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Casual Sex, F/F, F/M, Human Blackrom, Humanstuck, M/M, Quadrant Confusion, Quadrant Vacillation, Unresolved Sexual Tension, bandstuck, boys are bad with feelings, human moirails, lesbians are better at relationships, racially diverse cast, will add more as story progresses - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-16 03:32:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2254266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hideki16seiyuu/pseuds/hideki16seiyuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas doesn't do public events. However, his band mates are egging him on to do this stupid charity concert so it looks like he'll have to suck it up and deal with it while surrounded by a crowd of morons. For the kids, of course.<br/>---<br/>An elaborate prompt by Zephyrjoy of tumblr, and as such, outlined and edited and "directed" by her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. [s] Cancer of God: Introduce characters

Karkat Vantas shut his guitar case, snapping it closed. He was in no real hurry to leave - the paparazzi vultures were assuredly already outside as he’d come to learn, so absconding as fast as his sorry Hispanic legs could carry him was pointless. He was gathering his shit together while his fellow band members did the same - chattering to each other, chugging down gatorade, and packing up their equipment and belongings.

He couldn’t find his fucking phone, and sat back on his heels to dig through his shoulder bag to find it as Tavros’ voice drifted his way.

“And, uh… They got in contact with me over uh, Twitter last night, and I thought about it, and… Yeah, I thought it sounded like a good idea, seeing how we’re kind of famous now…”

“Tav, the fuck are you talking about?” Karkat asked, turning toward the voice.

Tavros looked up from his knees where Gamzee was leaning against him blissfully, his wheelchair-bound boyfriend’s hands carding through his untamed hair.

“Skaia Children’s Charity. They uh… They helped me get replacement chairs and stuff when I was younger.”

“It sounds like a motherfuckin’ fantastic idea, Tavbro.” Gamzee cooed from where he was sat on the floor.

“Wait, what idea?”

Hooded eyes turned to Karkat, his eternal serene smile looking creepy as fuck in the dim lighting of backstage.

“A motherfuckin’ charity concert, brother.”

“No.”

The answer was instantaneous.

“Abso-fucking-lutely not.”

Something thin but sturdy whapped over Karkat’s shoulder blades as Terezi called to the conversation’s general direction; “What Karkat MEANS to say is that, for once, Gamzee isn’t being a total retard. It sounds great.”

Karkat hissed, glaring at her though she couldn’t see. He could make a comment on the cane-whipping, but even if it was on purpose, she’d pull the blind card on him.

“What you charitable souls are forgetting in your eternal fucking wellsprings of goodwill is that I don’t do public events.” He stood, swinging his bag over one shoulder. “That, and we don’t have the cash. That kind of shit takes publicity and sponsors and a LOT of fucking time and planning that the four of us - what with the screaming, headless chickens we are just trying to get one miserable abortion of a gig over and done with - could never pull off.”

“That’s the thing.” Tavros piped up, still fiddling with Gamzee’s hair. “I talked to Feferi and she said she’d be happy to help out if uh… If that’s okay with you, Karkat.”

“I say we do it.” Terezi cut in, swinging her cane idly in Karkat’s general direction as he lurched out of her range. “I was with Skaia as a kid, too. They helped me get Lemonsnout.”

She was referring to the seeing eye dog she’d briefly had in middle school. What she failed to add to the verbal conversation was how she hadn’t actually been using Lemonsnout as a service animal; she’d been fucking around staging elaborate make-beleive scenes with the labrador standing in as the other characters, because if anything in this world was clear, it was that Terezi was the most shockingly capable blind person this side of the Milky Way, and barely needed her cane let alone a canine companion when it came to making her way through the world.

“I concur, yo.” Gamzee called. “We ought to up and do it to show how motherfucking great Skaia kids are all pupating to be; motherfucking miraculous adults.” He grinned at Tavros who gave a gooey-eyed smile in return.

Karkat grimaced. “Like I said though. I don’t -- “

Terezi groped for Karkat’s shoulder, laying a hand there and squeezing.

“Karkat. I would _really_ appreciate if you could do just this one event.” She bat her milky eyes a little too far to the right of his face. “Please? For me?”

“What in the ever-loving fuck are you doing?”

“You have a stick up your ass so I’m buttering you up!”

“Forget it.”

“But there’s three of us and only one of you.” Tavros pointed out. “So if we want to do it, uh, you should probably not.. Be such douche… Uh… Because we have majority.” His voice trailed off nervously towards the end.

Karkat directed his scowl towards Tavros, who attempted to return the look but sucked at being intimidating so just ended up looking like he was afraid his band mate would start throwing shit. Which he did; he threw his hands up in annoyance.

“Ugh, fine! We’ll do the stupid fucking concert!” He snarled. “Jesus Christ. Why the fuck not. People obviously don’t hate us enough yet! Why not throw in one more disastrous public appearance in before we’re doomed to Bieber levels of ass farcery?!”

Terezi cackled. “Excellent! Democracy triumphs again!”

Tavros beamed and Gamzee… Well, he was always fucking grinning anyway, so whatever.

“Yeah, yeah, what the fuck ever. I’m just a bottomless pit of good grace for you taint suckers. Be fucking grateful that I give you a single say in what this band that I put together does and don’t rule you circle-jerking, feel-good losers with an iron fist of diva-tude.” The others were probably rolling their eyes at Karkat’s long-winded lunge for the last word, but he couldn’t care less. “So what are we supposed to do now? What’s the first step to throwing this lovey-dovey shindig?”

“I already asked Feferi. She said, uh… We’re gonna have to get some more people first.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a short one, and I apologize. Once all the bands have been properly introduced, the chapters will get longer.


	2. [s] Twin Frogs: Listen to proposition

“Captor you knob-twiddling fuck, pick up your phone. This shit’s important.” Karkat muttered into the receiver. “Fine. What the fuck ever. Just so you know, I’m holding your scrawny hacker ass responsible for trekking halfway across town to your apartment to find it empty, and doubly responsible for having to trudge BACK across town to Aradia’s freaky-as-fuck lair, where you are no doubt skulking around reading tea leaves with her or whatever creepy shit you get up to, talking about how many dicks you two can suck.” He paused for breath, turning onto a side street. “I’m pulling up in T-minus thirty seconds. I’ll see you inside.”

* * *

Above the Beforus Acupuncture shop - a tiny, run-down establishment on the edge of the edge of the slums - was a miniscule apartment where Aradia Megido dwelt and made it her duty to fill it with her appreciation for death.

Sollux Captor, her best friend and confidant, lounged back in a careworn armchair that, instead of re-upholstering, Aradia had draped with a blanket patterned in Dia de los Muertos skulls. On either side of the chair were scatterings of animal bones, dried flowers, boxes of taxidermy pins, books on embalming and anatomy and catacombs, and a Jack Skellington plushie. That  was not to name the other unnerving items to be stumbled upon in his friend’s home, such as the ram horns and cow skulls hung on the walls, or the jars of preserved pig fetuses and other such creatures squeezed into the stuffed bookshelves.

That and the entire apartment reeked of oriental medicine from below, formaldehyde, and, well… Creepy dead shit.

Despite the unnerving look of the apartment, Sollux seemed totally unphased. Yeah, the place looked like something out of _Hannibal_ , but it was all part of the AA package that was frankly, in his eyes, totally worth it.

Aradia swept in from her itty-bitty kitchen with two mugs of tea, chattering away.

“I mean, it’s not that I don’t _like_ him. I just don’t like him like that. In fact, he’s kind of gross to be seen with in public. I guess Nepeta just doesn’t care.” She shrugged, handing Sollux his mug and perching in another chair nearby.

“You’ve told him that before.” Sollux pointed out, blowing his tea. “It’s his own damn fault if he can’t take a hint.”

She sighed. “I guess. I do feel a little bad about not being able to give him what he wants, but…” She shrugged carelessly. “Whatever, I guess. If he stops wanting to hook up, that’s fine. I asked him though and we’re meeting up Thursday night for Vietnamese and some fun afterwards.”

“If he’s being such a bitch about it, why not dump him and save yourself the trouble?”

“For the band.” She stirred her tea and took a sip. “That, and his penis is REALLY good.”

Sollux grimaced and Aradia giggled at his reaction.

“AA, you know I love you and support you, but Equius is one of the _last_ guys whose dick I want to imagine.”

There was a knock at the door and Aradia set her mug down to go answer it. Karkat was standing on her doorstep, glowering and hunched as usual.

“Hey, Aradia. Is Sollux here?”

“Yes he is! We made tea, do you want some?”

“Sure.”

Karkat shuffled inside, casting a seething glare at Sollux and a short jab of “check your phone, ass nugget” before launching into business.

“Tavros wants to do a charity concert and we need more bands than just Cancer of God and Catfish, who’s helping out because Feferi has a lady boner for helping the needy. You in?”

“Hello to you too, KK.” Sollux mused, sipping his tea. “Depends. Give me the details.”

“There are none.” Karkat sat on a nearby stack of big, arcane-looking books while their host clattered around in the kitchen. “So far we have literally no plan except that the proceeds go to Skaia, because I guess Tav and Terezi have ties to them.”

Sollux nodded. The name sounded familiar.

“One question before I agree to anything...”

“Don’t ask.” Karkat grumbled, scruffing up his own hair. “I already agreed to do it for them and not me. One big appearance won’t kill me.”

“Fine. What do we need to do?”

“Show up, play a set, beg for money. Probably some publicity bullshit before then, so the usual interview drivel while you plug the fuck out of this.”

At this point Aradia had returned with Karkat’s tea and took her seat once more to listen.

“I’ll do it.” She offered. “It sounds fun! Sollux calls the shots, though.”

Sollux shrugged. “Why the fuck not? And EQ will be down if we say so. Count us in.”

“Great.” Karkat said into his mug. “One group of idiots on board, two more to go.”


	3. [s] Spider8itch: Hear out Terezi

Terezi tapped her way up the front walk where loud, angry music was resonating inside. When she rung the doorbell, the music stuttered to a halt before someone thumped up to the door, opening it and, judging by the rustle in their clothes, leaned against the doorframe.

“Weeeeeeeell, well, well… If it isn’t pitiful Pyrope.” Terezi could hear the smirk in Vriska’s voice.

“And if it isn’t Bitchface McGee.” She snarked in return.

“Fancy _seeing_ you here.” Vriska grinned, flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder.

“That’s a low blow, Serket. How dare you insult the blind girl’s disability.” It sounded every bit sincere, but Terezi was sneering in return.

“Come on in out of the cold you skank. Wouldn’t want you dying on my doorstep. That wouldn’t be very awesome of me as a host.” Vriska sighed dramatically, making way to let her inside. “I got your text. Your speech thingy sucks, by the way. What the fuck is a ‘cherry it Yee cone yogurt’?”

“It was supposed to say ‘charity concert’. I’ll get Sollux to look at the phone.” Terezi replied, shuffling through the house in a manner suggesting that she’d been there multiple times in the past. “Where are Meenah and your sister?”

“They’re in the garage, practicing. This won’t take long, will it.”

“Nope. Just here with a proposition for you about the ‘cone yogurt’.” Terezi rested both her hands over the head of her cane.

“I’m all ears.”

“It was Tavros’ idea. The people from Skaia are looking for some help financially.”

Vriska raised an eyebrow, but nodded regardless, touching the cool metal surface of her right arm absently. “Sounds peachy. Who’s coming?”

“There’s us, Sollux’s group, Feferi’s band, and Karkat is going to see Kanaya today to ask her.”

Vriska hummed in acknowledgement, leading Terezi to the kitchen and filling a glass of water. “So this is a big thing. Bigger than just your gaggle of losers.”

Terezi held out her hand and Vriska pressed the glass to it. “It is. Could give your gaggle some positive press for once.” She grinned wickedly.

“Hey now, I live for the critics. I worked hard for that parental advisory sticker.”

This earned a short cackle. “Are you interested?”

“Why not? A gig’s a gig, even if it is for a bunch of snot-nosed cripples like Tavros. Maybe if they see someone as awesome as me sweating my ass off on stage for their walkers and catheters they’ll grow a pair and aim to grow up to be a badass like me! Not that they could, of course. You’re either born to be amazing or you’re not.” She flipped her hair again, still grinning.

Terezi rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses, sipping her water. “Whatever you tell yourself to get to sleep at night.”

That earned her a smack on the head.


	4. [s] Catfish: Talk business with the label

Dirk sat back in his chair, crossing his legs.

“I’m all for it. It’s a good cause. It’s just a matter of getting you to where you can actually afford the event. Fundraisers aren’t cheap.”

“That’s where you come in.” Feferi pointed out. “I figured you might have some connections to get us a sponsor or something. Or a friend of a friend might? You know a lot of people.”

“That I do. I’m not sure if I know anyone off the bat who’d be the right person to sponsor you, but I can pull a few strings.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started typing up a message.

Feferi practically squealed. “Thank you so much!”

Dirk paused, glancing at her. “Go ahead.”

She grinned and gave him a quick hug and he smiled good humoredly. “One thing though; Spider8itch is an indie group and Rainbow Drinker and Cancer of God are under Scratched records, not my name. So I as a label owner can’t sponsor you.”

“W-what, are you sayin’ you’re not gonna lift a flippin’ finger to help out?” Eridan suddenly piped up scathingly from besides her.

Dirk silenced him, literally lifting one finger. “However,” he continued. “I can put the word out as Bro the artist.”

Feferi shot a look at Eridan who deflated, sinking back in his chair. “Thank you again, Dirk. I really appreciate it. We _all_ do.”

“Anytime. Like I said, it’s for a good cause. What other details do you have?”

“Not a whole lot. We’re meeting at my place tomorrow night with everyone who’s agreed so far. Otherwise, I’m thinking the thirteenth of April for the day, but it’s not set in stone yet.”

Dirk nodded, tapping that out in his phone for later. “Sounds good. Keep me posted.”

“I will. Thank you again!”

“That’s enough thank yous. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

The band members exited Dirk’s studio, and as soon as the door was closed Feferi turned on Eridan and smacked him upside the head.

“Ow!”

“Oh suck it up. Could you _please_ not be so full of shit for ten fucking minutes?!”

Jade took Feferi’s free hand, who huffed in frustration.

“Oh come on, I wasn’t that bad - ”

“Eridan, shoosh.” Nepeta hissed. “That was important and you were being a dick to mister Strider!”

Eridan pressed his lips together for a moment, scowling. “W-well, I thought he wasn’t gonna pitch in when we needed him! I was ruffled, ya know? For the cause.”

“You did the thing.” Feferi sighed.

“What?”

“You did that thing you do where you speak before you think or before you know anything about what you’re talking about.”

Eridan fiddled with his scarf, frowning. He thought about defending himself, but with Fef’s girlfriend right there and Nep on her side, there wasn’t much a point.

Nepeta changed the subject as she checked her phone, saving Eridan the embarrassment of apologizing. “Equius is in. He says Sollux and Aradia are, too!”

“Good! I knew they’d come through.”

“Any w-word from Kan yet?” Eridan asked, trying to further divert attention from his scolding.

“Not yet, but I know she’ll want to help. Karkat’s getting a confirmation of her this afternoon.”

“That’s five bands. That’s enough for a concert, right?” Jade asked, swinging hers and Feferi’s joined hands.

“It should be. Between all of us, I think we have enough of a following to _really_ get the word out! Oh, this is going to be amazing!” Feferi bounced a bit in her step, mood switched back to her usual bubbly self. “Tavros is going to be so happy! And think about all the good we’re doing!”

Jade giggled, pecking her on the cheek. “You’re a saint.”

Eridan rolled his eyes but made no comment. He supposed it was a good cause when you got down to it, but it wasn’t really something worth bouncing off the walls for. It’s not like she was the one getting a new arm or leg or whatever those poor, disabled folks needed from the charity.

 _Then again…_ Eridan thought, following the trio of chattering girls. _If Fef is happy, I’m happy. So it ain’t that bad, is it?_


	5. [s] Rainbow Drinker: Join the cause

Kanaya was sat on the steps of John’s front porch, a planner in her lap as Rose idly leaned against her, knitting in hand. John was a step down, glancing up at them when the conversation called for it.

“You’re not busy on Wednesday nights, are you John?” She asked, tapping her pen on the page.

“Nope! That’s my day off!”

“This Wednesday I have a makeup class.” Rose said, casting another row. “It should be over by six PM if you feel like meeting that late.”

“We could eat before practice.” Kanaya pointed out. “It might be nice to chat a bit before doing a set, don’t you think?”

“That sounds fun.” John grinned, stretching his arms over his head. “We could order pizza or something.”

“Or something. I’m afraid I have to watch my waistline. I’ve been careless lately.” Kanaya sighed, writing down the time in the planner.

“More of you to love, my dear, I assure you.” Rose smirked, pausing her needles to lean over and peck her on the cheek.

John chuckled understandingly. “Okay, okay, I got it. Hm… Sushi? You like sushi, right? That place downtown delivers now!”

“Sushi would work.” Kanaya agreed.

At this point a beat-up chevy pulled up to the curb and Karkat got out, crossing the lawn with his hands in his pockets. Kanaya shut the planner, setting it aside to stand and give him a hug.

“Hey Kanaya.” He gave her a squeeze in return. “Did you get my text?”

“I did. We discussed it earlier. It sounds like a fabulous idea.”

“I asked my friend, Dave about it.” John offered. “He makes music, too, and said he’d help out.”

“Whatever. Bring him tomorrow to Feferi’s.” Karkat grumbled.

 _Great, another Egbertian spewing derpy nonsense and pulling shitty pranks. That’s exactly what we needed!_ He thought.

“Seven o’ clock, correct?” Rose asked.

“Yeah. You know the place. Knowing her, though, she’s probably gonna drag us out to a club or something afterward.”

“That’s a good hosting practice.” Rose remarked. “It creates a sense of bonding.”

“Whatever. It’s still a bunch of loud, shitty music and a million drunk, horny people sweating and grinding on you. No thanks.” Karkat grumbled.

“So you won’t be attending the after party?” Kanaya asked.

“Oh, I’m attending. I’ll attend the fuck out of it and have SO MUCH fucking fun!” The sentiment would have been more convincing if he hadn’t practically snarled the words.

Kanaya sighed, running a hand over his untamed hair, deflating him a bit. “You can worry about that tomorrow. Why don’t you stay for practice and critique us?” She smiled at him gently, but John cringed off to the side.

“Karkat? _The_  Karkat? Giving us criticism? I’d rather have Simon Powell, thanks...” He groaned.

“Simon Powell doesn’t know shit. He wishes a worthless pianist like you could give the garbage he puts on television the ratings your epic fail of galactic proportions would bring.”

John grinned slyly.

“‘Galactic proportions’? Karkat, I’m pretty sure your sad attempt at singing would drive their ratings to infinity and beyond.”

“Oh really?” Karkat cocked a brow. “Says the dick chafer whose shitty, half-pint lungs couldn’t make it through a single stanza without your inhaler.”

John’s cheeks glowed pink. He glanced over at Rose, elbowing her. “You told him about that?”

She glanced at Kanaya, who looked up at the darkening sky, feigning innocence. “You know, I do enjoy this time of year…”

John flopped his hot face forward into his hands, at a loss for words. Karkat won this round.

* * *

Karkat sat straddling a chair in John’s garage listening to Kanaya belt out the chorus to “Chainsaw” with John and Rose’s chords backing her up. He propped his arms up on the back rest, leaning his cheek onto his forearm.

As the song came to an end, Kanaya’s husky voice asked him through the microphone’s echoes; “Are we putting the audience to sleep?”

He could hear the gentle upward curve of her lips and realized his eyes were closed.

“Not asleep, just relaxed.” He assured them, cracking one eye open.

Rose  spoke up, “Well, stay alert. You’re here to critique.”

“And I plan to. You stumbled on the bridge. John did on the final chorus.”

Rose smirked, the coy brat. “Note taken, Maestro.”

* * *

Rose asked John if she could show him something, probably using her magical ability to figure out that Kanaya was about to corner Karkat, “corner” being way too forceful. He was glad they had a moment to talk.

She began, “I know that you’re doing this for the greater good of your band, and for the cause, but I have to ask…”

“Am I going to be okay?” Karkat cut in as they traipsed over the lawn back to his car. “I better fucking be.”

“Karkat…” Her tone was worrying, that little telltale line forming between her brows.

“Whatever you’re going to say, I’ve probably already thought it.” He sighed, jamming his hands into his hoodie pockets. “I’ll be fine. Probably.”

The line deepened, her slender arms crossed over her torso as she stepped towards him. “You know it’s my job to worry about you.”

“Don’t. It just makes the stress worse. I don’t want to have to worry about you worrying about me worrying about everything else.”

“Too late.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead, then thumbed off the faint lipstick imprint. “Worrying about you is my first job. The band and the fashion line come after.”

“What about Rose?”

“She’s tied with you.”

Karkat softened greatly, shoulders slouching a bit and she pulled him to her chest. He returned the embrace immediately.

“I fucking love you but you’re insane for putting up with me.”

“I should say the same to you.”

Karkat snorted. “Yeah fucking right. You’re practically a saint. I wish I gave back one tenth of the effort you put into shouldering my pitiful bullshit.”

“Then consider it on credit for my dramatic meltdown in the future.”

“Deal.”

She chuckled, pulling back to palm his cheek fondly. “Are you really going to be okay?”

“Kanaya, I swear - ”

“I know. I know. Just…” She sighed. “At the very least, find comfort in knowing that this won’t last forever.”

“I know.” He shrugged her off. “It’s just… Dumb.”

“Your feelings are not dumb. Nothing about this is dumb. It’s entirely rational.”

Karkat simply grumbled. Kanaya, sensing she wouldn’t get anything else out of him, just hugged him again. That seemed to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you know what this is? The final intro chapter! Whoo! That means plot will start moving forward shortly.
> 
> Also, an enormous thanks goes to Spoonychan for helping to write John in this chapter. She's fantastic.
> 
> Also, a hearty dose of my pale OTP. Whoops.


	6. [s] Everyone: Meet at Feferi's

“I expect you to be on your best behaviour this evening.” Rose warned, casting a sideways glance at the man beside her.

Dave shrugged. “You got it. I’ll be a good boy tonight. Like top-notch gold star nonsense up on this children’s fundraiser.”

Rose rolled her eyes, knocking on the door. “You do that.”

Feferi greeted Rose all smiles but upon seeing Dave seemed to short-circuit for a moment, blinking at him. He stuck out a hand.

“Dave Strider. Pleasure.”

She shook it, starting to smile in a bewildered way. “You’re….” She looked for the words. “You have a lot more freckles than I realized.”

Dave grinned. “Clever photoshop. Feferi, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me. Come on in!”

She lead them inside, a few of the people gathered doing double-takes at the sight of Dave, who either didn’t care or didn’t notice. Feferi made a beeline for Jade.

“Why didn’t you tell me John’s friend was turnTech?!” She hissed.

“It was a surprise!” Jade hissed back.

Feferi was practically bouncing. “ _This is HUGE._ ”

Dave, meanwhile, was high-fiving John and giving him what could only be described as a “bro hug”.

“Huh, so DS got off his douchey hipster high-horse and decided to pitch in.” Sollux noted.

Karkat looked at him. “You know him?”

“Well everyone _knows_ him - he’s popular right now. I just slept with him a handful of times.”

Karkat sputtered in disbelief as his friend casually sipped his drink. “You slept with turnTech?! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Um, let’s see; because a. You have no business in my sex life and b…. Nope. That’s good enough.”

Karkat shook his head slowly, rubbing his temples. “Is there any person you _wouldn’t_ fuck? Seriously. Name one on the face of the planet.”

Sollux just snickered. “You’re just jealous because a big-name artist sucked my cock and not yours.”

“I’m not going to acknowledge that with a response.” Karkat glowered, watching as Dave leaned over Nepeta’s shoulder to check out her sketchbook. “Christ, he’s pale. There’s no way he’s naturally that blonde.”

“Actually, the curtains match the carpet.” Sollux shrugged, earning a groan from his friend. “What? It’s not just me.” He frowned. “TZ tapped that in high school.”

“What?” Karkat stared at Dave again, not sure if Sollux meant what he thought.

“Remember that super white boy who transferred into Derse High that she was dating for like, six months? That’s him.”

“ _That’s_ Dave?” Karkat gaped. “Holy fuck, I got bested by a pasty techno geek.”

“Probably for the best.” Sollux smirked. “Even the blind girl could see how totally gay you were.”

“Shut up!” Karkat shoved him.

* * *

“Alright, I’m pretty sure that most of us know each other…” Feferi began once everyone had picked at the chip bowl and sipped their drinks a sufficient amount. “.. But how about we all go around as what band we’re in and what we play, just to make sure?”

If it had been anyone but Feferi, a good number of those attending would probably have rolled their eyes or complained. Seeing as it was Feferi, though, the group complied as a whole.

First up was Catfish with Feferi singing, Eridan on guitar, Jade on bass, and Nepeta on drums. Karkat was the rhythm guitarist and lead singer of Cancer of God with his backup singers, Terezi and Tavros on guitar and bass respectively, and Gamzee on drums.

Rainbow Drinker was Kanaya singing, Rose on violin, and John on keys; Dave popped in at that moment from his seat beside John with a short intro of, “Yo I’m Dave AKA turnTech. Party hard.”

Vriska was the singer and guitarist for her group Spider8itch, with her older sister Aranea on keys and Meenah as their rapper and drummer. Aradia introduced Twin Frogs which she sang for, Equius who was her guitarist, and Sollux who just said he did “like all the shit on the synthesizer”.

It was at this introduction that everything fell apart.

“Oh good. I thought you w-were the singer and got worried for a sec.” Eridan announced.

Sollux raised an eyebrow at him. “Excuse me?”

“There you go again. You’re lispin’ all ov-ver the place.”

“You’re one to talk, shark bait. The fuck even is that accent? Or is that just part of your stupid fucking stutter?”

Eridan looked like he was about to get up but Feferi swooped in and pushed him roughly back into his seat.

“Alright you two, that’s enough.” She snapped. “Eridan, that was out of line and you know it! And Sollux - you’re enough of a grown up to ignore him!”

“But Fef -- ”

“But FF -- ”

“Nope! Knock it off or I swear to fuck I will end BOTH of you!”

The two involved and those now uncomfortably observing took a moment to appreciate the fact that, while Feferi was curvy and a bit soft, she was also _ripped_ from surfing and swimming on a near-daily basis.

She sighed.

“Kitchen. With me. Now.”

Both men rose obediently, sulking after her. As soon as the door was closed she turned on them, glaring.

“Look, you can beat the crap out of each other after this concert is over and said with, but right now we need to work as a team! This is really important to Tavros and Terezi, and even Vriska. Besides, it’s not about you two; it’s about helping out a bunch of kids. Capiche?”

Sollux was the first to speak. “Sorry, FF.”

“Nope. Apologize to him.” She pointed to Eridan.

He glared, but complied. “I’m sorry.”

Eridan looked between the two and, realizing he was cornered, muttered; “I’m sorry, too.”

“Good. Now…” She took one of each of their hands, pressing them together. “If you could get along and be friends for now, I would really appreciate it. So do it for me? Please.”

“Yeah, sure thing.” Sollux muttered quietly after taking an unnecessarily long look at Feferi.

“W-wait.” Eridan looked between them for a moment. “... Oh my God you slept together.”

“Eridan, now is so not the time!” Feferi hissed. “Besides, it was just a fling!”

Sollux was grinning wickedly. “And then another fling later that night.” Feferi smacked him angrily on the arm.

“I deserved that.”

Eridan, however, was gaping at them in horror. “W-wait, I remember you now! You were that prick she hooked up with right after graduation!”

“Yeah, so?”

“Eridan can you not -- “

“She turned me down for _you_?!”

“Oh my God, shut up about that! It was years ago!” Sollux was outright cackling. “Sollux, that’s not helping! Aargh…”

Their bickering could be heard from the living room where the rest of the charity brigade sat in increasingly uncomfortable silence.

Dave raised his plastic cup to no one in particular.

“For the kids.”

* * *

After Sollux and Eridan were properly scolded and Tavros and Feferi talked over the plan for the coming months with everyone, Feferi started corralling the group towards a nearby club in celebration. There was some scuffling over designated drivers and who could fit in what car before they were able to migrate. As soon as they arrived Karkat made a beeline for the seating area and hunkered down in a table by the corner, hood pulled up.

“You look like you’re about to rob the place, dude.” Came a voice behind him.

He looked up, scowling at Dave who sat without permission next to him. “I don’t do crowds.”

“Apparently.”

There was an awkward pause.

“Why are you sitting next to me?”

“So that all the birds don’t flock to me and shit all over my favorite shirt.”

“Wh-- ”

“To avoid being hit on and or harassed.”

“Oh.”

Another awkward pause.

“Go hang out with you ‘bro’ then and stop bothering me.” Karkat said, using finger quotes as he gestured to John sitting with Vriska over by the bar.

“Nah…” Dave said, watching Vriska egg John on as they did shots. “I’d rather not dip my paw into the honey pot of crazy bitch that he’s getting into over there.”

Karkat snorted. “I don’t blame you. Why not tell him to do the same?”

“Because Rose told me that he’s a grown-up now who can make his own stupid decisions and that codependency is bad. She gave me a book about it, too. It made a good stand for my fern.”

Karkat was staring at him with a mix of contempt and bewilderment.

“Just kidding. I don’t have a fern.” He took a swig of his soda.

“Strider, do you ever shut up?”

“Actually, no. I’ve been told that I sleep-talk.”

Karkat made a noise of disgust, before putting his head on the table. Dave took a moment to direct his attention back to the bar, where Sollux seemed to be once again chatting up Eridan in a somewhat less hostile manner.

“They’re gonna fuck.”

“Who?” Karkat peeked up at him.

“Captor and Ampora.”

He snorted. “You’re out of your fucking skull. Sollux hates needy brats like Eridan, and Sollux is way too abrasive for Eridan to find attractive.”

“Nepeta ships it.”

“Nepeta will ship people who have never even been in the same room together. It doesn’t mean shit.”

“Wanna bet?”

Karkat stared at him, the look reflected in Dave’s glasses that, Karkat decided, were too big for his face.

“Twenty bucks says that they go home together.”

“No.”

“So you do think they’re gonna do the horizontal mambo then?”

“No. I just don’t gamble.”

“It’s only a gamble when you know you probably won’t win.”

“That’s not what I said!”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Karkat narrowed his eyes at him. It was in that moment he decided that Dave was an utter douche, and no amount of shitty hipster shades or red converse or invasion of personal space was going to change that. This guy was a grad A ass and should preferably ollie the fuck out of this club, past the moon, and out of Karkat’s atmosphere because yes, he now owned the fucking ozone layer because hipster jerk offs didn’t get that privilege.

“Fuck it. Fine.” He growled. “It’s your own damn fault if you wanna lose twenty bucks.”

“Sweet.” Dave sat back on his chair a bit, as if settling to watch a show unfold.

Karkat glowered and dropped his head back to the table.

* * *

It was only a few drinks in that Aradia decided to start chattering to Equius very openly about the twelve ways to Christmas she wanted him to bang her, resulting in a very sweaty and flustered guitarist and Sollux leaving their table because just, no. Fuck no. He wandered the club a bit, every hot person either taken, too reserved, or too drunk for him until he ended up back at the bar with none other than Eridan on the stool next to him. The hipster was pouting into his gin and tonic while Sollux ordered another beer.

“So…” He started, glancing at Eridan. “I know we got off on the wrong foot - yours, not mine, by the way - but FF’s right. This is kind of a big deal.”

Eridan eyed him for a moment. “... You know I w-wasn’t tryin’ to offend ya. I was just makin’ an observation.”

“Yeah, right.” Sollux scowled. “It was a nut shot and you know it.”

Eridan swirled the ice in his drink, frowning. “.. I guess you’re right.” He admitted. “And I should know, w-what with my stutter and all.”

“Is that all it is? You sound like you’re talking through a water fountain with a bad cold.” This comment received an offended look. “That was payback. No more.”

“It ain’t my fault! My parents moved around all over the UK when I was a kid, so my accent got all fucked up.”

“Is that what it is? Christ.”

Eridan made a face suggesting he knew exactly how odd he sounded and Sollux, despite being a heartless dick most of the time, felt a bit sorry for the guy. He glanced down, looking to change the subject, his eyes landing on Eridan’s forearms which were covered in nautical tattoos.

 _Of course._ He thought, a bit of his contempt returning. _A hipster prick like him would pick some pretentious historical bullshit for ink._

“What do they mean?” He asked, nodding to the symbols.

Eridan perked up noticeably. “They’re traditional tattoos that sailors and such would get. This one is for finding your way home.” He pointed to a swallow in flight. “And this one goes with it. It’s for navigation, see? Like the north star. The rope means - ”

“Nevermind.” Sollux gulped down the rest of his drink. “I realized I don’t give a shit.”

“What? You were the one who asked!”

“Yeah, and now I don’t wanna hear it. You’re more bearable when you’re not spewing hipster trash all over the bar.”

Eridan glared at him for a moment before jabbing his finger against Sollux’s own arm where a honeycomb pattern ran from wrist to elbow. “Alright then. If you’re so high an’ mighty, what makes YOUR tattoos any better?”

“That one’s for my brother.” Sollux replied immediately. “He raises bees and lives with my grandparents because he has brain damage.”

Eridan balked, clearly caught off-guard by the answer. “Oh. I… I’m sorry, Sol. ”

Sollux waved him off, wrinkling his nose at the nickname. “It’s fine. It happened when I was like thirteen, anyway.”

Eridan still seemed struck by the thought and shifted his gaze to Sollux’s other arm. “W-what’s the other one mean, then?”

”It's a circuit board."

“What?”

“Like for computers and shit.”

“How’s that any better than mine?”

“Because yours are douchey and haughty and mine are cool.”

“W-what makes mine ‘douchey and haughty’?!”

“Because you’re not actually a sailor, dipshit. FF told me you’re in school right now and work part-time at Starbucks.”

“My dad’s a ship captain.” Eridan huffed. “I grew up wantin’ to be a pirate or somethin’ like him.”

Sollux paused for a moment, finger tracing the circuit from start to finish along his arm. “... Fair enough. That makes you less douchey. You’re still not totally off the hook yet.” He ordered another beer and Eridan seemed to take that as enough, sitting back on his stool to down the rest of his stupid girly drink and ordering another.

Sollux took his distraction as an opportunity to give Eridan a another once over. He was handsome in the traditional sense, with strong facial features that demanded attention, like every other aspect of his appearance from the streak of purple in his hair to the clutter of rings on his fingers. The overall effect was striking if a little weird. Sure, he was a piece of hipster trash that Sollux would usually sneer at, but he was buzzed and Eridan's shirt was pulled a little too tightly against his broad shoulders and Feferi _had_ wanted them to get along…

 _Eh, give him another twenty minutes._ Sollux decided, sipping his beer. _If I don’t ragequit by then, might as well give it a shot. I have nothing better to do tonight, anyway._

* * *

“You’re insane.” Dave announced. “Insane and with a shitty taste in movies that rivals John’s.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? How can you not appreciate the thespian genius that is Adam Sandler?! You need your eyes, ears and IQ checked.” Karkat snapped.

“Dude. _Eight crazy nights_.”

“Yeah, but - ”

“ _Happy Madison_?”

“You know what, that - ”

“That fucking movie with the name I can’t remember where he was playing identical twin brother and sister?”

“That was his recent work. I’ll admit it has gone a bit downhill in the past few years.” Karkat huffed, tapping his water bottle.

“Your entire argument was based off of _50 First Dates_ which came out in like, 2006.”

“And _The Wedding Singer_ , which was earlier. Don’t test me, Strider. The Barrymore-Sandler pair up is pure RomCom gold.”

“Well no shit, it’s Drew. She’s adorable. That doesn’t change the fact that Sandler’s creepy, lanky face and gross beer belly are -- ” Dave suddenly paused, glasses flashing in the club’s dim, colored lighting as he looked at something over Karkat’s head.

“What?” Karkat asked, brow furrowing.

“Look over at the bar.” Dave replied, gesturing with his chin.

Karkat turned to see what he was talking about and it took him a few moments to find what Dave was referring to and another few to process what the pigs-flying-while-throwing-snowballs-in- frozen-Hell fuck was happening in front of him. And what was happening was Sollux had pressed Eridan up against the bar, his hands all over the hipster’s ass and Eridan gripping onto his shirt, while the two of them made out fiercely with no concern for public decency, like a couple of cats in heat.

Karkat almost gagged.

Dave simply held out a hand and very calmly stated, “That’ll be twenty bucks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a long one. There's more finished but I don't want to spam the fic with updates so I'm going to be pacing them out. Next up is some EriSol smut for you lovelies, I hope you like it. ;)


	7. [s] Sollux: Do the horizontal mambo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: humanized blackrom in this chapter.

Sollux could barely keeps his hands off of Eridan as they took a cab back to his apartment and pinned him at least twice between the elevator ride up and fumbling to get the door unlocked. The two of them tripped their way through the darkened space into Sollux’s bedroom where Eridan was shoved to the bed before Sollux was on him again, hands up the hipster’s shirt and knee against his crotch. He could see Eridan flushing in the slivers of light creeping into his room, his head tilting back when Sollux nipped his neck and over his chest.

“Clothes off. Now.” He commanded, sitting up to start unbuckling his belt.

He got a breathless nod in response, Eridan moving to do the same, but too slowly for his tastes. Sollux swatted Eridan’s hands away, deftly unbuttoning his pants and tugging them in tandem with his boxers down far enough to expose his dick.

Eridan was, as Sollux had secretly suspected, a little below average. This hadn’t been an issue for Sollux with his past partners, but he made a mental note to taunt him about it later as his tongue traced the nook between his thigh and hip.

“Fuck, Sol…” Eridan breathed. “You do this often?”

“Practice makes perfect.” Sollux smirked, stroking the other’s member, who gasped.

 _Figures a douche like Eridan hasn’t gotten any in a while._ Sollux silently mused, watching the other respond to his touch eagerly, already biting his bottom lip.

He could work with this.

He leaned over him, extending his tongue where two piercings glinted in the sparse lighting, running it over the underside of Eridan’s cock, who hissed in response.

“Tell me what you like, Ampora.” Sollux grinned, pumping him in his hand a few times. “I wanna see how fast I can make you come.”

“U-up yours, Sol.”

“Oh, we’ll get there.” He snickered, shifting to kneel in front of the bed for better access. “But it’s my house, my rules. So I’m topping first. Well, first if you can even survive for another round.” He wrapped his lips around the head of Eridan’s dick before he could respond.

Sollux prided himself on his sexual prowess, and was unrivaled in the art oral sex, save for Dave Strider, the pretentious bastard. Either way, as he swallowed his current bedfellow down, bobbing over him, he was doing one hell of a job.

“S-Sol…” Eridan panted, head back as his chest rose and fell. “If you’re plannin’ on makin’ love to me, you shouldn’t -- ”

Sollux pulled off angrily, snapping. “I KNOW what I’m doing, Ampora. You’re not going to come. Not just yet.”

The only response he got was a groan as he resumed the blow job.

It wasn’t much longer before Sollux pulled away, pulling Eridan’s pants the rest of the way down, followed by his own which had been hanging off of his hips.

“Grab the lube out of that drawer for me.”

Eridan obeyed, reaching over to the bedstand to retrieve the bottle and hand it to Sollux. Sollux slicked a finger and briefly circled Eridan’s entrance before slipping it inside.

“Fffffuck, Sol… That’s cold!!” Eridan whined as he tensed, gripping the sheets.

“Yeah, yeah. Relax.” Sollux ran a hand over his thigh soothingly, albeit a little impatient.

Eridan took a moment, adjusting before the prep continued, Sollux stroking over his insides and carefully loosening his tight muscles as the receiver moaned breathlessly here and there, hips jerking up in response to each stroke.

Sollux mentally patted himself on the back as he admired his work; Eridan splayed out on his bed, three fingers sliding in and out of his ass, shirt half undone and shoved up as he lay panting, open-mouthed and waiting for more.

“... Slut.” He smirked.

“S-shut it.” Eridan groaned, hips twitching.

“Oh, what’s that?” He sneered, twisting his fingers up towards his prostate. “Do you want to be a slut?” Eridan only groaned, fisting the sheets, and Sollux chuckled. “I’m surprised, Ampora, but I can give that to you, if you want.” His palm splayed out over Eridan’s abdomen, mapping out his torso. “I can make you my bitch. Does that sound like a good idea?” He twisted his fingers upwards again.

“Mhm.... Yeah!”

“Say it. Tell me you want it.”

There was silence, Eridan bright red in the blue tint of the room. Sollux sighed, feigning disappointment, and pulled out of him. His partner inhaled sharply at the sudden loss, propping himself up on his elbows to stare at him with wide eyes.

“W-wait, Sol - ”

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you want.”

Eridan huffed in frustration, but refused to meet his eyes. “... Fine.”

“Well?”

“Make me your bitch, Sol.” He spat, furious.

Sollux grinned, leaning forwards to plant a fast hard kiss on his scowl before reaching over to the bedside to grab a condom. “Can do.”

He ripped the package open, rolling it on and slicking himself with lube. Eridan watched him, looking a bit apprehensive.

“What?”

“Er, you’re kind of big…” He seemed annoyed with himself for even acknowledging it.

“The better to fuck you with, my dear.”

Eridan rolled his eyes as Sollux positioned himself, but didn’t push in just yet, taking the time to rake his eyes down Eridan’s body.

Eridan squirmed visibly. “W-what? Are you gonna do this or not?”

Sollux grinned evilly. “A little eager now huh, bitch?”

“S-shut the fuck - ”

But Sollux decided he didn’t want hear it so he kissed him again, and didn’t pull away even when Eridan bit him hard enough to draw blood as he pushed him down further onto the bed.

When he moved his attentions down to his neck Eridan hissed, “Just fuckin’ fuck me already!" while he dug his fingers roughly into his back and shoulders.

Sollux was done waiting. The programmer started sliding in slowly, pausing here and there to let his partner adjust to the size. Eridan groaned softly and clung to his shoulders like a lifeline as he filled him. The tips of his fingers were rough with callouses, contrasting weirdly with cold smooth metal of his rings as he dragged his hands down Sollux’s back and sides.

When Sollux was buried to the hilt he paused for a moment to purr “You ready for this Ampora?” in Eridan’s ear.

His partner swore and growled “I w-was ready half an hour ago, Sol.”

Sollux snickered. “Oh really?” He rocked forward catching Eridan’s gasp as his hips moved upwards in response.

Sollux sneered, leaning up to watch Eridan’s face as he started up a rhythm. Eridan tensed, back drawing up into an arch as Sollux fucked him, biting his lip to keep himself quiet. Sollux was having none of that. He rolled his hips upwards, angling into his prostate, and Eridan’s mouth fell open in a moan as his hands fell away. This continued, soft groans and noises of pleasure slipping from either of them with Sollux gripping Eridan’s hips, his hands tangling sporadically in the sheets.

“Touch yourself.” Sollux panted and Eridan obliged without sass this time, reaching down to palm his aching cock.

The hipster whimpered, and the programmer grinned down at him wickedly, leaning back down to nip his ear.

“Feel good?”

“Mmmhm… Yes.”

“Good.” He gave a particularly hard thrust and Eridan gave a short shout, hips jerking into the motion.

He kept that up, now pounding into Eridan’s ass with the receiver’s cries rising in volume, everything in his body drawing up tight before he finally exploded, spilling over his belly to create a sticky mess between them. Sollux bit his neck, thrusting a few more times into him before finishing himself. They paused there for a moment, breathing against each other before Sollux pulled free, rolling to the side, back to Eridan who draped his arm over his eyes as though to avoid looking at him.

"Sol?"

"Mmhm?" Sollux replied, too tired to bother with actual words.

"Sol." He said again this time with a bite of urgency.

"Fuck. What do you want?"

"... I need a tissue or somethin'."

Sollux didn’t answer. There was silence as they both slipped into half-dreaming oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize there is a lot of EriSol smut in a fic that promises more, but that will be remedied in time. Good things are worth the wait, and hopefully DaveKat is a good thing for you.
> 
> But yes, this fic is very EriSol-heavy, backed with DaveKat which will have a much slower build, and then a scattering of other ships that, as I see it, will not have smut scenes unless the game plan changes.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy.
> 
> P.S.: I've written smut through RP too many times to count but this is my first time posting it for the world to see… I hope it doesn't suck.


	8. [s] Dave: Get these drunk losers home

Somehow, Dave Strider, master of all things cool, had found himself with a group of very intoxicated friends with a very small car to drive them all in. This was a bad thing. After doing a survey of who was sober (him, Kanaya, Gamzee, Tavros, and Jade) and who could actually drive (eliminating Tavros and Gamzee), Dave came up with the only solution he could think of over the chatter of boozing comrades.

“Kanaya, give me your phone.”

“Rose took it.”

“Why?”

Kanaya only shook her head, sighing a bit, eyes closed. Poor girl. Drunk Rose was a pain in the ass, especially if Drunk Rose was the object of your affections.

“Fine. Rose; give me Kanaya’s phone.” The giggling Rose simply held open her top and slipped the phone into her left bra cup. “..... Okay. Not touching that with a ten-foot pole. Kanaya, who else knows Karkat’s number?”

“I have it memorized.” She offered, holding out a hand to him.

Thank sweet baby Jesus for the Nubian goddess of a lesbian currently boning his childhood friend. Not that she was Nubian. She was like, Indian, Dave was pretty sure. Was Nubia still a country? Whatever - she was handing the phone back to him and he held out a fist for her to bump, which she complied to in good humor.

Cool.

Kanaya was very cool.

The phone rang three times before a rough voice sounded on the other end. “What?”

“Yo, Vantas.”

“Who the fuck are you and why are you calling me?”

“It’s Dave.”

Nothing.

“Dave Strider?”

Still nothing.

“Bro, we were chatting each other up for like, an hour and a half before you blew this popsicle stand. It’s me; turnTech. Sexy piece of white chocolate. You screamed at me for not wanting to suck Adam Sandler’s dick like you apparently do.”

Karkat practically growled. “First off, I do not want to ‘suck his dick’. I appreciate his prowess as an actor, shitstain. Get your head out of the homoerotic gutter. Second, why are you - ”

“Because everyone is drunk and we don’t have enough cars.” Dave answered before Karkat could finish. “We need you to come back and help chauffeur drunky and the booze whores home.”

There was a pause.

“... What happened to the designated drivers?”

“I guess you didn’t hear me the first time; er’rbody in the club gettin’ tipsy. Aranea bailed thanks to her bitchy sister throwing shots at the aforementioned er’rbody, and Feferi had one too many cosmos due to stress from what I can make out.”

“And the rest?”

“Basically the same.”

Karkat’s end fluttered as he sighed heavily into the receiver. “I’ll be there in fifteen. Confiscate everybody’s keys.”

“Way ahead of you man.”

“One question. Why didn’t Kanaya call me?”

“Her phone got booby trapped.”

“..... I don’t want to know.”

“You really don’t. See you soon.”

* * *

 

 

“Oh my God you’re my savior. My sober savior with a shitty car that’s gonna drive your drunk-as-fuck friends home like a good person. So good. Savior good.” Dave rattled off as Karkat got out of his car and trudged towards their huddling group.

“Are you drunk?” Karkat asked, cocking a brow at him. “Because if you are, you shouldn’t be driving anybody.”

“Nope. Stone cold sober. Don’t touch the stuff.”

“So you’re saying that you’re always this annoying.”

“You wound me. Now help me get Nitram’s chair into your truck.”

Despite his grumbling, Karkat did help, getting Tavros into the car and then hauling the wheelchair into the truck bed with Dave’s assistance while Kanaya and Jade corralled the intoxicated persons milling around in front of the club.

“So why’d you leave?” Dave asked.

“What?” Karkat huffed, lifting the chair.

Dave grabbed the other side. “You left early.”

“I thought they had enough drivers so I didn’t bother sticking around.”

“Yeah but there was a party here. You could’ve stuck around and pointed and laughed at the drunk people with me. Spot the seven levels of drunk-ness. It’s like the seven levels of grief but with more tequila.”

“If I tell you that I hate crowds will you leave me alone?”

Dave pondered this, hand resting on the chair now sat in the back of Karkat’s truck. “... No promises.”

Karkat made a noise of annoyance, turning to go grab Aranea and Meenah, who was apparently trying to lick Aranea’s face off against the front wall of the club. Gamzee made a honking sound as he clambered into the truck after Tavros. Dave shrugged, wandering after him to fetch Terezi who was loudly proclaiming nonsense about tasting colors to no one in particular, and Aradia and Equius. Equius was sweating harder than Dave had ever seen. Probably because Aradia was trying to stick her hand down his pants and was not as drunk as she should be to be doing that.

Gross.

“A-Aradia, please. Not in public - ” Equius implored her.

“Hey, Aradia, you can molest him in front of Damara when you get home but I have a rule about getting jizz on the upholstery so would you mind holding out?”

Equius started to sweat harder at that.

“Dave.” She looked at him in dead seriousness. “You don’t. Understand. This dick.”

“No I don’t. And I don’t plan to. Thanks for sharing, though.”

“Strider you fucking listen.” She sounded almost pissed. “This sweaty creep has an amazing schlong.”

“Again, thanks for sharing. That’s enough now, though.” Dave said, steering her by the shoulders towards his car.

She grabbed Equius’ shirt, dragging him after her.

Jade ushered Terezi after them who screamed, “SOMEONE’S TOUCHING ME!”

Oh God, why.

 _Focus you chi, Dave._ He told himself. You love your friends. _They will be hungover and grouchy tomorrow, and then you don’t have to see the Drunk Friends for a while. Hopefully._

“I’m taking Feferi and Nepeta home.” Jade told Dave once everyone was buckled in. “Drive safe.”

“You too. Don’t forget to give them water and buckets and shit.” Dave replied, giving her a hug.

“Of course, dummy.” She chuckled. “And shoes.”

“Oh yes. We musn’t forget the shoe removal policy of sober friend etiquette.”

“Never!”

“Good night, Jade.”

“Good night, Dave.”

He watched her walk away, scratching the back of his neck. Karkat sulked towards him, hands in his pockets.

“Do you have Terezi’s address?”

“Yeah.”

“Her _new_ one?”

“Yeah, man. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.” He looked like he wanted to say more.

“If she doesn’t get home safely you’ll rip off my nipples and shove them in my ears, right?”

“Pretty much.”

“Note taken. See you soon, Vantas.”

Karkat just grumbled in response.


	9. [s] Eridan: Do the mattress dance

Eridan was only vaguely aware of how Sollux getting up to take a leak resulted in him pinning Sollux to a wall, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. He was fairly sure it had involved sleepy confusion, a few taunts and some heavy flirting. Either way, they were significantly less drunk as Sollux had his tongue in Eridan’s mouth and he was _really_ okay with that.

Sollux rutted against him, wasting no time, and Eridan returned the motion eagerly.

“Mmm… Take your rings off.” Sollux muttered against his lips.

“Why?”

“Because you’re not prepping me with those clunky-ass hipster rings, that’s why.”

Oh. So Sollux hadn’t been kidding about bottoming if they had a round two. The very thought of putting this high-and-mighty computer geek in his place made Eridan’s dick twitch in interest.

“Hm… Why don’t _you_ do it?” Eridan purred against Sollux’s jugular.

There was a snorted response of, “Yeah right. Don’t try to play my game, Ampora.”

“We ain’t fuckin’ unless it’s by my rules, Sol.”

Sollux actually stopped, glowering at him with what was probably at least a little bit of hate. “... Fuck you.” Eridan was sure that would be the end of it, but then Sollux growled, “Hold me against the wall.”

Eridan balked, caught off guard, but simply released him to go to the bed and grab another condom and some lube. Sollux snatched it from him and braced himself as Eridan lifted him by the thighs. Sollux slicked his own fingers, reaching between his legs to start prepping himself. Eridan had to admit that, despite the glares, the position and Sollux’s dexterity as he fingered himself was kind of a turn-on. The programmer’s irritation apparently shortened his patience, as he hurried through the motions, hissing here and there as he stretched himself open.

“Put on the condom.”

Eridan had been so entranced by the scene that he blinked in surprise, before stumbling over the motions of opening the package and slicking it on while Sollux gripped him with his free hand and legs, bracing against the wall. Once it was on, Sollux was against him, rubbing against his still-hardening member. Eridan groaned, rolling his hips into the motion. Once he was fully erect, Sollux swiveled his hips and Eridan lifted him, angling him until he was sliding inside the programmer. Sollux moaned softly and Eridan agreed with his own. Once he was sheathed, Sollux started to roll his hips again, signalling for Eridan to move, which he did, thrusting up into Sollux.

“Fuck, Ampora - ”

“Oh, fuck… Enough of that nonsense, Sol! I’m dick-deep inside you, the least you could do is call my name proper!”

Sollux practically snarled, “ED, I swear to fuck, I will call you Mother fucking Teresa if you just screw me already!”

Eridan softened a bit, thinking, _He gave me a nickname!_ , but was quickly interrupted by Sollux’s impatient rutting.

He started to thrust into Sollux, hitting him in the prostate directly as the programmer’s back slid against the wall. He hissed and moaned, nails digging into Eridan’s shoulders with one hand, the other jerking himself off as he gripped him around the waist with his legs. Eridan kept a fast speed as best as he could, trying to balance his partner and not drop him while pounding into him. It wasn’t long before Sollux was drawing tight, nails raking across his back, grunting aloud as his hips jerked forward as he came, splattering over Eridan’s stomach and chest. Eridan moaned, thrusting into him a few more times before he came as well, pushing deep and hard inside of him before he spilled over, fingertips digging into Sollux’s thighs. They stood there, frozen for a bit before Sollux slid down to stand on shaking legs before shuffling the few feet to the bed to collapse. Eridan joined him, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed and watching Sol card hands through his own hair, sighing with satisfaction.

There was a long beat of silence.

“Do you want me to go?” Eridan asked.

Sollux grunted noncommittally. “You can stay until morning. I don’t care."

Eridan hunched his shoulders and wished he had just told him to leave. Being told it didn't matter either way hurt more.

 _Then again,_ he thought ruefully, _what kind of idiot gets his feelings hurt because a one night stand with a guy they just met didn't end with cuddles?_ He signed and stood up, his mind made up to leave before anything else happened.

"Where are you going? "

"Home. Or somethin'..." Eridan answered distractedly, looking around the room for his clothes and glasses.

"I said you could stay."  

“Yeah, but... you don’t w-want me too.” Eridan muttered, looking away quickly.

“Seriously?”  Eridan didn’t reply, and Sollux took the opportunity to elaborate. “I’m being generous as fuck right now and you're blowing me off and pouting like a middle schooler who didn’t get asked to the dance. Come back to bed.”

Eridan hesitated, conflicted.

“I want you to stay, douchenugget.”

Eridan couldn’t stop his grin even though Sollux was looking more pissed off by the second.

“So you’re sayin’ you want me to - ”

“For the love of fuck! Just get your gay ass back in bed, Ampora.”

Eridan huffed in offense, but clambered back onto the bed next to him anyways.  “I’m bisexual, Sol. Don’t just assume I’m gay cause I slept with you.” He told Sollux matter-of-factly as he settled down.

Sollux raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Really? You’re bisexual?”

“Yes! W-why does that surprise everyone?!”

He snorted. "It’s fine. I’m bi, too, dumbass. And Bipolar."

"I’m sensin’ a running theme here."

"Yeah, but that's more of my OCD than anything else."

"Christ, you're fucked up." Eridan remarked before he could stop himself.

"That's rich coming from the guy who had two bags of prescription antidepressants in his man purse."

"You looked in my bag?! What the fuck, Sol!"

"Relax. I saw them when you were looking for your wallet. I have eyes, fish face."

Eridan clenched his jaw, irritated. "Why are you such a callous asshole? "

"Why are you such a self-important douchebag? " Sollux challenged, eyes equally bright and hard with annoyance.

Eridan refused answer and refused to look away even though he was now hot faced and too aware of how little distance there was between them.

Sollux broke the silence. “Are you seriously embarrassed?”

“No!” Eridan turned back to glare at him abruptly.

“We just fucked. Twice.”

“I know that.” Eridan huffed.

Sollux eyed him. "... Are you gonna kiss me now? "

A glare in response. "No."

"Fine.”

With that, Sollux pressed their lips back together and Eridan found it a bit harder to be pissed off, the douchebag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no update. Also; swear to God there is a reason for all the smut.


End file.
